dona's 365

The only other person in my extended family who attended college, Darlene got a teaching degree, but didn’t use it for long. She was always sweet. She must have inherited all of her mother’s nice genes, because her siblings were a nasty bunch. They must have taken after their dad.

One Christmas Cindy gave me a silver bracelet etched with the words: Lt Col Don Williamson 7-7-65 At the time the bracelet was a piece of fashionable jewelry – most teens had one. Years later I read Don Williamson’s history online and understood he was as real as you and me.

Jim and I carpooled to college our senior year. He was married; I was engaged. We bumped into each other at a sports bar after gradation. He drove me home via a secluded spot. About fifteen years later he called to say he was still married and had ten kids.

Before I could say my “r”s I called my Aunt Corrine, Aunt Queen. She is my father ’s youngest sister and she hurt his sense of morality when she divorced her abusive first husband. She’s his first line of defense these days, although she only shows up on his good days.

Of course I never met C. S. Lewis. He died before I knew of him and his Narnia. Nevertheless, he had a huge impact on who I am today. He’d probably not be pleased with what I took away from his writing though. I’m probably more pantheist than anything else.

What can you say in fifty words about a man who was your hero? Who worked long into the night to put food on the table? Who loved you like no one has ever loved you? Who drank himself into a black hole? How about: I still love you Dad.

Except for a bout of colic early on, Clare, my firstborn, has been incredibly easy. Not long after she was born I whispered into her ear, “Please love me when you’re sixteen.” She turns sixteen in about seven months and she and I remain very close. So far; so good.

We met Neal and Marie our first year in Pittsburgh. We became close friends and saw each other often even though we lived several states apart. When Marie emailed us to tell us that Neal left her, it was like someone died. It wasn’t unbelievable, but a tragic shock nonetheless.

Dave, blond and popular even in 3rd grade, once stretched his arm across the back of the bus seat we shared. I imagined his arm was around me. In 6th grade, I glanced at him. He spat, “Take a picture, whydoncha? It lasts longer.” I decided he wasn’t my type.

I remember seeing him in person only once, at a baby or wedding shower for a distant relative. His mother was the hostess and he was there in the background with some other boys. This foggy and imperfect memory is what I see when visiting his name on The Wall .

“Here we go into the cold blue yonder!” she’d sing cheerfully as she drove us to early morning swimming lessons at Wing Park Pool. Summer mornings in northern Illinois could be quite chilly and Colleen’s mom’s cheeriness felt a lot like malicious teasing to we three blue-lipped, chattering-teethed, prepubescent girls.

Sitting on the floor of Janet’s living room drinking wine, I declared my admiration that she’d been published. She laughed and said it was no big deal; the romance phase was just for practice. She had something else cooking. I see that she’s now on number twelve of that idea.

“Oh gosh oh golly gee!” or “Oh geeze oh man!” exclaimed Joyce with bulging eyes given almost any provocation -- missing homework, a bloody nose, the correct answer from a failing student. The half-year I co-taught sixth grade with this artistically talented former nun was full of these quirky expressions.

After being told by several doctors to not get pregnant, Dr. Barth, my rheumatologist, said, “I don’t see why not.” My life has not been the same since that day. I even considered naming my firstborn after him, but “Werner” for a girl? Maybe not. He said he completely understood.

A few years older than me, my cousin Cindy’s cast off clothes became my clothes. We were occasional friends; her parents acted like they were too good for us. She told me about sex; Romeo and Juliet (the Zeffirelli version ) and not getting your feet wet when having your period.

Tall, dark and slender, Barbara wore fur coats, designer outfits and high heeled shoes as executive administrator of the private school for emotionally and behaviorally disordered students. Although too overdressed to be of much help when restraining a violent student, she was real handy at soliciting funds from unlikely donors.

John lived next door to my parents when I was in college. We dated for about half a year but he was a chronic liar and a cheat. I’m still annoyed to have wasted seven months and countless tears on him. My brother calls him Elgin’s finest light bulb changer .

I briefly dated Charlie after Marcia and Terry began dating. I was never really serious about him, and dropped him when John asked me out. Marcia said I broke his heart. Not long after, Charlie got married to the girl he dated before me. I took John to the wedding.

The filthiest house I’ve seen belonged to my dad ’s sister, Leila. After Uncle Don died she gave up cleaning. A year’s worth of clutter, dust, mail, and dog “accidents” would accumulate until my mom broke down and cleaned her house. Too late, we realized she was probably depressed, not lazy.

Cindy and I connected as I’ve connected with no other. We met one Thanksgiving weekend and talked continuously. We promised we’d stay in touch, but I was newly pregnant and life got in the way. Years later I heard she’d died somewhat mysteriously: A winter canoe trip gone tragically wrong.